The night before Christmas

VISIONS OF SUPPLEMENTS DANCED IN MY HEAD


“Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house
The vitamin bottles were plenty and close
There was A for my vision and good healthy skin
Ten thousand units should not do me in.
Cigarettes won’t harm me if I’m full of A
No fear of skin cancer—I’ll sun tan all day.
And vitamin D for good bones, of course
No fear of arthritis—I’m strong as a horse.
Sunshine and milk may give some people D
But the stuff in the bottle’s the potion for me.
Of vitamin E, I can’t get enough
From regular food—it’s not got the right stuff.
I’ll never go bald, will be virile and strong
With vitamin pills I’ll surely live long.
Of vitamin B, what more need I say
These little gems keep me stress-free all day.
Sure, studies may claim that it’s toxic and such
But those dietitians don’t know so much.
And here’s to my favourite, old vitamin C
The fighter of colds, the saviour of me.”

From my musings and dreaming
I woke with a start
To find myself facing
An elf with a cart.
The cart was just loaded
With food of all sorts
Carrots and oranges and milk by the quarts
Cranberries, turkey and even some cream
The elf then approached me as if in a dream.
“What do you want?” I cried with alarm
“Why, nothing , fairy lady, but to save you from harm”.
He picked up my bottle of wonderful pills
And asked if they’d save me from all of my ills.
“If vitamin B can alter your mood,
In the name of St. Nick, why not get it from food?”
Well then I had him—I was sure of my case
“Because, I said wisely, “real food’s just a waste.
It’s lacking in vitamins, minerals and stuff
The soil that it’s grown in is just so much fluff”

Well, he sprang to the table, chuckled “You silly twit—
That’s a load of malarkey, it just doesn’t fit.
The soil your food’s grown in has vitamins, sure.
If from synthetic fertilizers or loads of manure.
When nutrients are lacking the crops just won’t grow
They’re either full of the good stuff
Or they never show.
And not only that, he went on to explain
Those doses you’re taking might even cause pain.
The studies are clear and there’s nary a doubt
The more you take in, the more you’ll put out.
That’s if you’re lucky and don’t take excess
Since extra large doses can wreak quite a mess.

With one wave of his hand the bottles were gone
And food filled the counter as he whistled a song
“Let’s have no more nonsense, he said with a grin
If you’d be well nourished, here’s where to begin:
Veggies and fruits stand you in good stead;
Milk and milk products and whole grains and bread;
Lean meats and chicken and plenty of fish
Good health will be yours if that is your wish.
There’s plenty of science, as clear as yon star,
That those who eat well live longer by far.
Blueberries, strawberries, yogurt and nuts
Are chock-full of good stuff, no ifs ands or buts.
Salmon and mackerel have fun in the sea
Producing those fish oils for you and for me.
From beef we get iron and B 12 and such,
To our animal friends we all owe so much.
Beans and cereals are important for sure
Without these great foods, we’d be healthy no more.

Then laying a finger aside of his nose
The elf disappeared, but what do you s’pose
I heard him exclaim as he vanished from sight?
“Merry Christmas to all and you’d better eat right!”