Egg-Marketing Strategy Meeting Divine

I like to picture God at a marketing strategy meeting (not that God had to work with a committee when He/She was dreaming up Creation, but that's how my mind works--besides who else would be on the committee, a couple of the top angels?)when the idea of the egg was proposed. The packaging of the egg had to be a bit tricky. Somebody would be opting for a square shape (so it wouldn't roll off the counter) and God (being such an animal lover) would have to urge consideration of the hen--imagine the squawking during the laying of a square egg. The, of course, the color. Eggshell has been done so much, one would chime in, how about indigo or magenta?. "No", God replies, "white, beige or brown--that's it. We have to keep costs down".

The structure and composition of the shell must have generated a heated discussion. Rubber would be suggested so the egg would bounce if dropped. "Not bad", thinks God, "but what about all those people who want to put ground egg shells in their coffee or ground them up for a source of calcium. Rubber would stink". God wins that one (was it ever in doubt?) and we end up with the shell making up about 11 percent of the total egg and consisting mostly of calcium carbonate. For very good reasons the shell is granular, hard, translucent and sufficiently porous to permit the embryo to breathe. Some of the rationale behind the structure include breaking strength, retention of moisture and carbon dioxide, and perhaps most important, reduction of susceptibility to bacterial attack. And this is where the genius of God shines through. Inside the shell are not one but two membranes that separate at the big end to form an air cell--which forms as the egg cools after being laid. Then, on each side of the yolk are two ropes, called chalazae, that anchor the yolk in the centre, still letting it revolve. And the yolk gets its own membrane as well--the vitelline membrane.

So far, so good, but the meeting bogs down a little. Someone is still nattering about the color. A junior executive type that God wants to encourage, maintains that if eggs can't come in designer colours they'd better be all white or people will think brown ones are more nutritious than the more anemic whites. Owing to a great faith in human nature, God makes a rare mistake (I know He/She'd be the first to admit it): "Nobody I'd create would be silly enough to believe that!". On a more serious note the committee moves on to the composition of the egg. "I know", cries one, "for people who are told to go on a low-cholesterol diet one day, let's put all the cholesterol in the yolk so people can still eat the white and not worry. "O.K." says God, "but I hope people won't get the notion that everybody has to avoid eggs because of the cholesterol". "Not a chance" pipes up the junior exec. "Besides, they can come out stamped 'dietary cholesterol has very little impact on serum cholesterol' and that should lay the matter to rest". Then the biology whiz kid at the end of the table becomes agitated. "Look", he says, "if the egg is going to have a label, then I want something explaining its high biological value".

Everybody's eyes but God's glaze over, sensing a biochemistry lesson coming down the pike. "The biological value", he drones on, "is an index of protein quality that reflects the percentage of absorbed nitrogen from dietary protein actually utilized by the body, measured under standard conditions". "Say what?" chimes a chorus of angels. "Protein foods containing optimal quantities and proportions of all the essential amino acids, as well as adequate supplies of non-essential amino acids, have the highest biological values", the Brain continues in a contemptuous tone. "And", he adds, "eggs top the list of all foods with a near perfect score".

"Well then", God declares, sensing a restlessness in the committee members, "let's wrap up. The egg will be oval-shaped, white, brown, or beige with cholesterol only in the yolk which won't harm the average person, loaded with protein, vitamins and minerals, and the yolk will be - green. They all file out. "Great meeting, Boss".